Picking a new team is scarier than scary. It's awesome though that my current Doctors are handpicking their replacements. (Yes, I still have not changed doctors since I moved almost 4 years ago; I just commute.) Look at me, sounding like we're putting together some elite task force, but what can I say, having the right people in place is essential for getting successful results... and as of right now, I need some good results.
I am currently and hopefully on the tail end of another migraine. The second in two and a half weeks, after not have one in months. I don't know if it is medication related but I cannot go back to dealing with these on a regular basis. Three days straight of intense pain and nausea, never knowing when the next will hit, is not living. It seriously zaps every ounce of positivity from my body... Not acceptable!!!
Which makes this so not the blog post that I've been mulling over for the past few days. I had every intention of posting a light-hearted, jab at myself over becoming a hermit since we moved and how much I actually enjoy life from my little piece of heaven. I'm sure I'll feel like it soon enough. Sooner than later, I hope.
Despite some strange medical issues, these last few weeks have been laying the foundation for a great 2016 in my business and personal life... I just need to figure out how to tackle the latest hurdle... Quickly!!!
I'm determined to make this my year of getting control over this. There is no other option!!!
Until Next Time...
Showing posts with label 2016. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2016. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
Friday, January 8, 2016
Sometimes it Takes Baby Steps
I've been fervently and repeatedly reminded over the past 8 days that rarely are our paths ever straight and that the best of intentions are just that, intentions. No change comes from intentions alone. We have to start small, plan even the baby steps, and hold ourselves accountable, so that we are putting our intent into action.
To say that I have been struggling over the past 8+ days would be explaining it mildly and cautiously. I am not sure if it is my body, my mind, or my spirit needing rest or a combination of any/all or something else entirely but this "year" has already been a blur and I couldn't tell you what I have done so far because 1.) My mind is in a complete fog and 2.) It isn't much. The daily tasks are a struggle, to the point of being nearly impossible to complete. It's a feeling that I have experienced before but usually only after recovering from surgery or during and after an extremely rough flare... neither of which are currently in play.
I started this week with what I thought was a plan and by day one, I realized that it was all just intentions... a big TO DO list. As the days passed, the TO DO list weighed on my heart and mind, adding to my unrest, but I just couldn't physically take the "step" to make an action plan.
It all let to my earlier stated reminder... The best of intentions are just that, intentions! This morning I went back to the "drawing board" to break it down and plan out the steps. Sure, there are times in life where "Just Do It" applies, but when you are struggling, it's okay to sit down, take a moment, and plan the baby steps. I needed to hear that today, and if you are struggling also, I hope you take it to heart as well!!!
Until Next Time...
To say that I have been struggling over the past 8+ days would be explaining it mildly and cautiously. I am not sure if it is my body, my mind, or my spirit needing rest or a combination of any/all or something else entirely but this "year" has already been a blur and I couldn't tell you what I have done so far because 1.) My mind is in a complete fog and 2.) It isn't much. The daily tasks are a struggle, to the point of being nearly impossible to complete. It's a feeling that I have experienced before but usually only after recovering from surgery or during and after an extremely rough flare... neither of which are currently in play.
I started this week with what I thought was a plan and by day one, I realized that it was all just intentions... a big TO DO list. As the days passed, the TO DO list weighed on my heart and mind, adding to my unrest, but I just couldn't physically take the "step" to make an action plan.
It all let to my earlier stated reminder... The best of intentions are just that, intentions! This morning I went back to the "drawing board" to break it down and plan out the steps. Sure, there are times in life where "Just Do It" applies, but when you are struggling, it's okay to sit down, take a moment, and plan the baby steps. I needed to hear that today, and if you are struggling also, I hope you take it to heart as well!!!
Until Next Time...
Saturday, January 2, 2016
It Came in with a Bang
2016 definitely came in with a bang... and not the kind you would expect. Our night at home was going along perfectly. It was just the two of us sharing drinks, loading up on junk food, having the best 2 person dance party in our kitchen, and just talking... things that we rarely have time to do with the husband being gone so many hours of the day and our one day weekends spent catching up on projects around the house. We thought we'd sit down and watch a movie since it was still so early and about an hour into it, I could feel my body tensing up. It's a feeling I have felt way too many times in the past 4 years and was hoping it would stay right where it was and we could finish our evening but deep down I knew better. By the end of the movie, my nerves were on full alert and my nausea was almost at full force. I looked at my husband and said, "I'm getting a migraine, I have to go to bed now."
I've suffered from severe migraines now for about 4 years. For about 2 years of the 4, I was getting them twice a week. With the help of a neurologist, we got them down to once a week and finally after a year of trying different medications, once a month. Back in September, I decided that I was done being loaded up on all these medications (that were starting to not consistently work) and that I wanted to start tapering off of them to see if the medications were actually even working anymore. I read up on all the yuckiness of symptoms from tapering them off, got my prescriptions filled one last time and prepared for a rough month. I ended up having to go out of town for a few weeks and realized that I didn't have enough medicine to fully step down and my doctor's office said that they needed to see me before they would refill my prescription again. I was over 2,000 miles away, so that was not going to happen. So the crazy and frustration kicked in and I stopped "cold turkey". Inside I was freaking out a little but I figured, I already suffer from migraines and Crohn's, it can't be much worse that either of those... and thank you God, other than feeling pretty off for a few days and some major dizziness, the transition went fairly well. My body actually felt so much better not being on them. My sleep wasn't based on taking something and praying for it to work... it felt weird realizing that I was actually sleeping better than I had been in a long, LONG time. I was still having my daily morning headaches but no matter what we tried, that has been the norm for 4 years now. Until NYE, (other than two "mild" and short lived migraines) it has been smooth sailing.
Let's just say that 2016 did not start like I'd hoped. The shop stayed closed (even though I had plans to launch new merchandise), the lights stayed off, the bathroom stayed close, my water glass stayed full, the husband stayed quiet as a mouse (except to check on me), and after a failed attempt to get migraine medication down and broken blood vessels around both eyes from it getting lodged in my throat, I stayed in bed praying for even 30 minutes of sleep. I've tried every natural remedy I've ever come across to get them to go away with no success and I tried almost all of them again yesterday to still no avail. It took everything I had to not spend the day crying and to be honest, the only reason I didn't is because it would just have made my head hurt worse. I wanted to be strong but I just couldn't find it within myself. Here on the first day of the new year, I already felt defeated. Completely out of my control, yet, I couldn't stop it from making me feel weak and broken. It's crazy how much pain, of any kind, can consume you. At midnight, I decided that I couldn't wait another 8 hours to try to take some medication again and I grinded up those darn pills and got them down. The 2 year old on a Pixy Sticks sugar rush pounding on the drum set in my head has mellowed and he/she is currently lightly messing with the kick on the bass drum. It's not over yet but I'll take it. I don't feel human but I'm upright... and I'll gratefully take it.
It's good to remember that even though January 1st is the start of a new year, it doesn't decide what the rest of the year is going to look like. Each day is a chance for a new start. Some will be good, some will be bad, and some will be down right ugly, but the next day the sun still rises on a new beginning... and thank God for that!!!
I've suffered from severe migraines now for about 4 years. For about 2 years of the 4, I was getting them twice a week. With the help of a neurologist, we got them down to once a week and finally after a year of trying different medications, once a month. Back in September, I decided that I was done being loaded up on all these medications (that were starting to not consistently work) and that I wanted to start tapering off of them to see if the medications were actually even working anymore. I read up on all the yuckiness of symptoms from tapering them off, got my prescriptions filled one last time and prepared for a rough month. I ended up having to go out of town for a few weeks and realized that I didn't have enough medicine to fully step down and my doctor's office said that they needed to see me before they would refill my prescription again. I was over 2,000 miles away, so that was not going to happen. So the crazy and frustration kicked in and I stopped "cold turkey". Inside I was freaking out a little but I figured, I already suffer from migraines and Crohn's, it can't be much worse that either of those... and thank you God, other than feeling pretty off for a few days and some major dizziness, the transition went fairly well. My body actually felt so much better not being on them. My sleep wasn't based on taking something and praying for it to work... it felt weird realizing that I was actually sleeping better than I had been in a long, LONG time. I was still having my daily morning headaches but no matter what we tried, that has been the norm for 4 years now. Until NYE, (other than two "mild" and short lived migraines) it has been smooth sailing.
Let's just say that 2016 did not start like I'd hoped. The shop stayed closed (even though I had plans to launch new merchandise), the lights stayed off, the bathroom stayed close, my water glass stayed full, the husband stayed quiet as a mouse (except to check on me), and after a failed attempt to get migraine medication down and broken blood vessels around both eyes from it getting lodged in my throat, I stayed in bed praying for even 30 minutes of sleep. I've tried every natural remedy I've ever come across to get them to go away with no success and I tried almost all of them again yesterday to still no avail. It took everything I had to not spend the day crying and to be honest, the only reason I didn't is because it would just have made my head hurt worse. I wanted to be strong but I just couldn't find it within myself. Here on the first day of the new year, I already felt defeated. Completely out of my control, yet, I couldn't stop it from making me feel weak and broken. It's crazy how much pain, of any kind, can consume you. At midnight, I decided that I couldn't wait another 8 hours to try to take some medication again and I grinded up those darn pills and got them down. The 2 year old on a Pixy Sticks sugar rush pounding on the drum set in my head has mellowed and he/she is currently lightly messing with the kick on the bass drum. It's not over yet but I'll take it. I don't feel human but I'm upright... and I'll gratefully take it.
It's good to remember that even though January 1st is the start of a new year, it doesn't decide what the rest of the year is going to look like. Each day is a chance for a new start. Some will be good, some will be bad, and some will be down right ugly, but the next day the sun still rises on a new beginning... and thank God for that!!!
Until next time...
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Living with Intent in 2016
I've heard it so often lately, "2015 was a horrible year for me!" I can't say that this was the case for our household as we saw so many blessings happen in our life but it definitely was a challenging year at times, to say the least. Our year started out with my husband deciding that he wanted to go look at houses. We'd discussed buying a house but never seriously. I am a planner and I wasn't ready to plan for such a life changing event. Not even 2 weeks into January though, I found myself riding along with my husband as we just "looked" at a house he had found listed online. The next morning, without even doing any of the leg work, we made an offer. By the end of the week, our offer had been accepted and exactly one month from the day we looked at it, it was ours. I went from thinking we would never be in a place to be able to buy a house to God opening every door, including the door to our first real home as a married couple. We spent the next month and a half commuting back and forth between our two houses that were almost 4 hours apart and me commuting 3-4.5 hours another direction for Remicade and iron infusions. By the end of March, we were finally settled in our new home and the fun of home ownership began.
Some of you may not know, but we have horses. We actually moved into this home with just our mare but as of this summer we now have 2. We've added a 6 year old gelding to the mix and there was definitely an adjustment period for all. He's like a 1000lb dog... fun, loving, and a major attention hog!!! Our whole mentality about horses had to change and we spent (and are still spending) most of our time turning our property into the best possible place for them. I thought life was expensive before but building fences, hay storage areas, stalls and the cost of feeding them during a year of drought was insane!!! My perfectly planned budget completely went out the window!!!
Another thing that sent our budget out the window was that I decided in May to start my own business from home and Kindled Soul Designs was born. I can honestly say that this has been one of the most challenging things that I have ever done. It has completely taken me out of my comfort zone, taught me a lot about myself, has made me doubt my purpose more than a time or two, and has challenged me to decide what I want from life. The hours are long, there are more unpaid hours worked than paid, and the balance between work and home life is nearly nonexistent. It definitely hasn't been what I expected it to be but I am crazy grateful for the journey and can't wait to see where 2016 takes it.
The other major challenge this year is still, surprise surprise, my heath. My health hasn't improved all that much this year either. The move was great and getting out in the country has been good for me but stress is such a trigger in Crohn's. There's actually a study out now that says that my stress might actually be triggered by my Crohn's and not the other way around... wouldn't that be "funny" if it pans out to be true. I have started using essential oils and switching everything in my house to chemical free and it has been helping but we just can't find the root issue to get it into remission. Also, after 3 years, my body decided to build antibodies to the Remicade and I had an allergic reaction after my last infusion. We just recently started another medication that isn't usually used in Crohn's patients and are 3 weeks into the loading doses so we will see. The hope isn't to be able to have this medication put me into remission but to have me tolerate it so we can stack it with another one. To be honest, I'm over it all again. The side effects of this medication are by far the worst of any of the previous ones I have been on and could have a lasting effect on my future... but I guess when you're desperate, you'll do pretty much anything. Okay, sorry to be a Debbie Downer... moving on.
It has been with these challenges this year that I decided on my focus for 2016. (I don't think I have ever made a New Year's Resolution and probably won't ever but I completely encourage those of you who do. There is nothing wrong with wanting to better yourself, even if you don't end up making it a "habit".) My focus for 2016 is to live life with intent!!! The challenges are going to come and go, that's never going to change. Some struggles are overcome but some never seem to go away, so there really isn't a point in letting them stop you from doing what you want to and should be doing.
~ I want to be more intentional in my marriage. I want to put it all away when the husband walks in my door and remind him daily how much I appreciate his role in our family. He is gone for 12-16 hours a day and I want to focus on setting it all aside for few hours that I have with him a day.
~ I want to be more intentional in my business, my focus, my follow through. I want to build something that reflects who I am and I want to do it better than my mind tells me I can.
~ I want to be intentional in my blogging. I have a tendency to step away from things that I am not consistent with. That's why I go long periods of time without blogging... if I know that I won't follow through with it, I don't make time for it. My focus on what I have to say is going to change some in this next year so that I can really use it as a tool in my personal life and maybe as an outlet of my professional life.
~ I want to be intentional in the future I'm building, whether it be my health, our home, my journey. The daily grind is not what I want. Sure, daily tasks exist and I will continue to do them all, but I want to do them with intent. I don't want to get to the end of the day and try and take a moment for myself. I want to live in the moment. Find the joy in all things... be grateful in all things... be prayerful in all things... be praising in all things. I want to let those in around me and let go of those cause me hurt. I want to take time for me intentionally.. not as a last resort and not at the end of the day when I'm too tired to hold my head up. I want to live a purpose driven life.
~ Lastly, I want more intentional in my relationship with God and with other in my life. I don't want the people that are in my life to just be apart of my life, I want them to be present in my life as much as possible. I have a tendency to get caught up in my own little world and I don't want to... no matter how gorgeous it is here. I want my home to be filled with as much laughter and love as possible this next year. So (hint, hint) friends and family... get up here and share it with us. My travelling days are getting more and more numbered and will continue to be as I transition all my health care to more local locations.
The husband and I are spending New Year's Eve at home tonight for the first time in the past 17-18 (can't remember which) NYEs that we've been spending them together. It's a little different, but kind of perfect to ring it in with just my favorite person in the entire world. Much love from us to you and I pray that you allow God to bless you abundantly in 2016!!! Let me know what your plans for 2016 are.
Some of you may not know, but we have horses. We actually moved into this home with just our mare but as of this summer we now have 2. We've added a 6 year old gelding to the mix and there was definitely an adjustment period for all. He's like a 1000lb dog... fun, loving, and a major attention hog!!! Our whole mentality about horses had to change and we spent (and are still spending) most of our time turning our property into the best possible place for them. I thought life was expensive before but building fences, hay storage areas, stalls and the cost of feeding them during a year of drought was insane!!! My perfectly planned budget completely went out the window!!!
Another thing that sent our budget out the window was that I decided in May to start my own business from home and Kindled Soul Designs was born. I can honestly say that this has been one of the most challenging things that I have ever done. It has completely taken me out of my comfort zone, taught me a lot about myself, has made me doubt my purpose more than a time or two, and has challenged me to decide what I want from life. The hours are long, there are more unpaid hours worked than paid, and the balance between work and home life is nearly nonexistent. It definitely hasn't been what I expected it to be but I am crazy grateful for the journey and can't wait to see where 2016 takes it.
The other major challenge this year is still, surprise surprise, my heath. My health hasn't improved all that much this year either. The move was great and getting out in the country has been good for me but stress is such a trigger in Crohn's. There's actually a study out now that says that my stress might actually be triggered by my Crohn's and not the other way around... wouldn't that be "funny" if it pans out to be true. I have started using essential oils and switching everything in my house to chemical free and it has been helping but we just can't find the root issue to get it into remission. Also, after 3 years, my body decided to build antibodies to the Remicade and I had an allergic reaction after my last infusion. We just recently started another medication that isn't usually used in Crohn's patients and are 3 weeks into the loading doses so we will see. The hope isn't to be able to have this medication put me into remission but to have me tolerate it so we can stack it with another one. To be honest, I'm over it all again. The side effects of this medication are by far the worst of any of the previous ones I have been on and could have a lasting effect on my future... but I guess when you're desperate, you'll do pretty much anything. Okay, sorry to be a Debbie Downer... moving on.
It has been with these challenges this year that I decided on my focus for 2016. (I don't think I have ever made a New Year's Resolution and probably won't ever but I completely encourage those of you who do. There is nothing wrong with wanting to better yourself, even if you don't end up making it a "habit".) My focus for 2016 is to live life with intent!!! The challenges are going to come and go, that's never going to change. Some struggles are overcome but some never seem to go away, so there really isn't a point in letting them stop you from doing what you want to and should be doing.
~ I want to be more intentional in my marriage. I want to put it all away when the husband walks in my door and remind him daily how much I appreciate his role in our family. He is gone for 12-16 hours a day and I want to focus on setting it all aside for few hours that I have with him a day.
~ I want to be more intentional in my business, my focus, my follow through. I want to build something that reflects who I am and I want to do it better than my mind tells me I can.
~ I want to be intentional in my blogging. I have a tendency to step away from things that I am not consistent with. That's why I go long periods of time without blogging... if I know that I won't follow through with it, I don't make time for it. My focus on what I have to say is going to change some in this next year so that I can really use it as a tool in my personal life and maybe as an outlet of my professional life.
~ I want to be intentional in the future I'm building, whether it be my health, our home, my journey. The daily grind is not what I want. Sure, daily tasks exist and I will continue to do them all, but I want to do them with intent. I don't want to get to the end of the day and try and take a moment for myself. I want to live in the moment. Find the joy in all things... be grateful in all things... be prayerful in all things... be praising in all things. I want to let those in around me and let go of those cause me hurt. I want to take time for me intentionally.. not as a last resort and not at the end of the day when I'm too tired to hold my head up. I want to live a purpose driven life.
~ Lastly, I want more intentional in my relationship with God and with other in my life. I don't want the people that are in my life to just be apart of my life, I want them to be present in my life as much as possible. I have a tendency to get caught up in my own little world and I don't want to... no matter how gorgeous it is here. I want my home to be filled with as much laughter and love as possible this next year. So (hint, hint) friends and family... get up here and share it with us. My travelling days are getting more and more numbered and will continue to be as I transition all my health care to more local locations.
The husband and I are spending New Year's Eve at home tonight for the first time in the past 17-18 (can't remember which) NYEs that we've been spending them together. It's a little different, but kind of perfect to ring it in with just my favorite person in the entire world. Much love from us to you and I pray that you allow God to bless you abundantly in 2016!!! Let me know what your plans for 2016 are.
Until Next Time...
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