Living with Intent in 2016

I've heard it so often lately, "2015 was a horrible year for me!"  I can't say that this was the case for our household as we saw so many blessings happen in our life but it definitely was a challenging year at times, to say the least.  Our year started out with my husband deciding that he wanted to go look at houses.  We'd discussed buying a house but never seriously.  I am a planner and I wasn't ready to plan for such a life changing event.  Not even 2 weeks into January though, I found myself riding along with my husband as we just "looked" at a house he had found listed online.  The next morning, without even doing any of the leg work, we made an offer.  By the end of the week, our offer had been accepted and exactly one month from the day we looked at it, it was ours.  I went from thinking we would never be in a place to be able to buy a house to God opening every door, including the door to our first real home as a married couple.  We spent the next month and a half commuting back and forth between our two houses that were almost 4 hours apart and me commuting 3-4.5 hours another direction for Remicade and iron infusions.  By the end of March, we were finally settled in our new home and the fun of home ownership began.

Some of you may not know, but we have horses.  We actually moved into this home with just our mare but as of this summer we now have 2.  We've added a 6 year old gelding to the mix and there was definitely an adjustment period for all.  He's like a 1000lb dog... fun, loving, and a major attention hog!!!  Our whole mentality about horses had to change and we spent (and are still spending) most of our time turning our property into the best possible place for them.  I thought life was expensive before but building fences, hay storage areas, stalls and the cost of feeding them during a year of drought was insane!!!  My perfectly planned budget completely went out the window!!!

Another thing that sent our budget out the window was that I decided in May to start my own business from home and Kindled Soul Designs was born.  I can honestly say that this has been one of the most challenging things that I have ever done.  It has completely taken me out of my comfort zone, taught me a lot about myself, has made me doubt my purpose more than a time or two, and has challenged me to decide what I want from life.  The hours are long, there are more unpaid hours worked than paid, and the balance between work and home life is nearly nonexistent. It definitely hasn't been what I expected it to be but I am crazy grateful for the journey and can't wait to see where 2016 takes it.

The other major challenge this year is still, surprise surprise, my heath. My health hasn't improved all that much this year either.  The move was great and getting out in the country has been good for me but stress is such a trigger in Crohn's.  There's actually a study out now that says that my stress might actually be triggered by my Crohn's and not the other way around... wouldn't that be "funny" if it pans out to be true.  I have started using essential oils and switching everything in my house to chemical free and it has been helping but we just can't find the root issue to get it into remission.  Also, after 3 years, my body decided to build antibodies to the Remicade and I had an allergic reaction after my last infusion.  We just recently started another medication that isn't usually used in Crohn's patients and are 3 weeks into the loading doses so we will see.  The hope isn't to be able to have this medication put me into remission but to have me tolerate it so we can stack it with another one.  To be honest,  I'm over it all again.  The side effects of this medication are by far the worst of any of the previous ones I have been on and could have a lasting effect on my future... but I guess when you're desperate, you'll do pretty much anything.  Okay, sorry to be a Debbie Downer... moving on.

It has been with these challenges this year that I decided on my focus for 2016.  (I don't think I have ever made a New Year's Resolution and probably won't ever but I completely encourage those of you who do.  There is nothing wrong with wanting to better yourself, even if you don't end up making it a "habit".)  My focus for 2016 is to live life with intent!!! The challenges are going to come and go, that's never going to change.  Some struggles are overcome but some never seem to go away, so there really isn't a point in letting them stop you from doing what you want to and should be doing. 

~ I want to be more intentional in my marriage.  I want to put it all away when the husband walks in my door and remind him daily how much I appreciate his role in our family.  He is gone for 12-16 hours a day and I want to focus on setting it all aside for few hours that I have with him a day. 

~ I want to be more intentional in my business, my focus, my follow through.  I want to build something that reflects who I am and I want to do it better than my mind tells me I can. 

~ I want to be intentional in my blogging.  I have a tendency to step away from things that I am not consistent with.  That's why I go long periods of time without blogging... if I know that I won't follow through with it, I don't make time for it.  My focus on what I have to say is going to change some in this next year so that I can really use it as a tool in my personal life and maybe as an outlet of my professional life.

~ I want to be intentional in the future I'm building, whether it be my health, our home, my journey.  The daily grind is not what I want.  Sure, daily tasks exist and I will continue to do them all, but I want to do them with intent.  I don't want to get to the end of the day and try and take a moment for myself.  I want to live in the moment.  Find the joy in all things... be grateful in all things... be prayerful in all things... be praising in all things.  I want to let those in around me and let go of those cause me hurt.  I want to take time for me intentionally.. not as a last resort and not at the end of the day when I'm too tired to hold my head up.  I want to live a purpose driven life.

~ Lastly, I want more intentional in my relationship with God and with other in my life.  I don't want the people that are in my life to just be apart of my life, I want them to be present in my life as much as possible.  I have a tendency to get caught up in my own little world and I don't want to... no matter how gorgeous it is here.  I want my home to be filled with as much laughter and love as possible this next year.  So (hint, hint) friends and family... get up here and share it with us.  My travelling days are getting more and more numbered and will continue to be as I transition all my health care to more local locations.

The husband and I are spending New Year's Eve at home tonight for the first time in the past 17-18 (can't remember which) NYEs that we've been spending them together.  It's a little different, but kind of perfect to ring it in with just my favorite person in the entire world.  Much love from us to you and I pray that you allow God to bless you abundantly in 2016!!!  Let me know what your plans for 2016 are.

Until Next Time...



Living in a Constant State of Being "Not Out of the Woods Yet"

I haven't written about Crohn's in a while because part of the battle of dealing with a chronic illness is that it can kind of be depressing and people sometimes don't understand that you may need to talk about it and it's not because you're trying to complain or get sympathy. It's hard and some days are REALLY hard and after a few weeks of only days that are hard and really hard, it's time to talk about it. Like it or not, that's where I am at tonight.

A few months ago my gastroenterologist decided that labs were coming back great and I hadn't been admitted to the hospital in a while but my Crohn's was still showing no signs of going into remission. We had my Remicade infusions on an every 8 week schedule but I was still going into a full flare by week 6 until about a week after each infusion (essentially still spending almost half of my time in full flare mode). The only thing that keeps me out of the hospital at this point is that I rarely heal from one fistula to the next so my tissue has no time to repair before it's ripped apart again and due to that lack of strength and healing time, that breakdown is doing part of the job my surgeon would be doing if I went in. My gastroenterologist thought we should get a little more aggressive with the Remicade and change me to an every 6 week schedule.

In September I had my first infusion at the 6 week mark and wouldn't you know it, I was doing great and then flared at the 4 week mark (again, like before, 2 weeks before my infusion). I was shocked but thought maybe my body was just off and after my next Remicade, I'd start to feel better again. I had my 2nd infusion on the new 6 week rotation 4 weeks ago now but I never got any relief. I've essentially been in between hard and really hard days for 6 straight weeks now with the last 2.5 being nothing short of torturous on my body. The last 3 days have had me praying like a mad woman and the husband and I going back and forth on whether it was time to make the long drive to the hospital. On Sunday night I looked at him and said, I think I'm down for the count. He asked if that meant I was ready to go and I asked for 2 more days. He said, I just wish there was something I could do for you and I thought about it (wishing there was something too) for a minute and responded, you could come pray with me. My husband looks hard at me, immediately turns off the tv, and comes and sits down on the couch where I'm laying, grabs my hands, and starts to pray, hard! Yes, I'm seriously blessed by him and will never forget that I am married to a very special man!!! I don't know the reason for my struggles but I never doubt God has a plan for them.

Since Sunday night, I have been "down for the count" with a few moments of short lived attempts to throw in a load of laundry or make food and read about a hundred random texts from my husband while he's at work making sure that I'm "relaxing" or  "resting" (both in quotations because they are nearly impossible when you are in pain). The pain has been increasing at a steady rate with tonight bringing me to a point where I almost asked my husband to come home. I decided to play doctor on myself (I'll spare you all the details) and have finally got some of the pressure of one of the abscessing fistulas to release but I'm definitely 'not out if the woods yet." With that being said, I'm sort of laying/sitting on a heating pad right now so the heat can draw more of these nasty "toxins" out of my body so the swelling can go down, I can get some healing going on in this "broken" body, get some strength back, get my booty out of bed, and get back to life as I know it.

Any extra prayers you can send up would be amazing and much appreciated and I'll leave you with a few quotes, which have seem to become my norm here :)

Never forget what you are going though always has something for you to learn.

Let your struggle make you stronger

and share what you've learned!!!

Until Next Time...

A Love Worth Crafting For

I'm pretty good at avoiding the temptation of those little white bins that line the check out at Michael's because even though they may only be a $1, my bill is always at least 100 times that amount (if I'm lucky) but this particular time I saw something I couldn't resist. I already had a project in mind but wasn't sure on the colors I'd need, so I scooped up two of each pattern and off we went.
 

 

As it turns out, I needed something gray, not black, for my project but my sister looked at me and said, "They do match MY bedroom."  Big sister took the hint and my wheels started turning again for project ideas. The patterns were perfect for her black and white bedroom but I wanted to come up with something not so cheesy but personalized since her and my BIL don't really have anything personalized up on their walls.  Then it hit me... this year they would be celebrating their 10th wedding anniversary.  I could throw a little of the typical cheesy in for that occasion ;)

Marriage is such an amazing thing but anyone who has made that life-long commitment knows that it is work!!! I've heard people say that marriage shouldn't be work because work is hard and if you are with the right person, it shouldn't be hard.  Well, thank you for your opinion but I call bull on that one.  You don't have a houseplant, never water it, and wonder why it died.  You water and nurture it because you want it to grow and bloom.  When it starts to droop, you figure out why and adjust what you are doing.  It can be challenging at times and the work it takes is constant but it's a labor of love, just like marriage :)

So yesterday I sat down with a few hours on my hands to knock this project out.  Giving into the "cheesy", I selected the word LOVE and decided to personalize it with EST 2003 (the year they were married).  This is one of the reasons that I love having a Cricut and using the Cricut Craft Room.  I just searched through my cartridges until I found my perfect font and planned it all out where I could see what it would look like before I cut my paper.



 

Then I sent my images to the Cricut

 

 

Using some paper on paper Mod Podge, I glued my letters to their shadows.

 

 

... and let them dry.  Aren't they cute?!?!

 

Then I used Aleene's Platinum Bond 7800 All Purpose Adhesive to glue the letters to the glass tiles. Let it dry according to the directions and it's done!

 

 

The only thing left is to put on something to hang them with but I thought it would be a good idea to let my sister decide that part.

 

 

 

Until next time...