Sometimes it Takes Baby Steps

I've been fervently and repeatedly reminded over the past 8 days that rarely are our paths ever straight and that the best of intentions are just that, intentions.  No change comes from intentions alone.  We have to start small, plan even the baby steps, and hold ourselves accountable, so that we are putting our intent into action.

To say that I have been struggling over the past 8+ days would be explaining it mildly and cautiously.  I am not sure if it is my body, my mind, or my spirit needing rest or a combination of any/all or something else entirely but this "year" has already been a blur and I couldn't tell you what I have done so far because 1.) My mind is in a complete fog and 2.) It isn't much.  The daily tasks are a struggle, to the point of being nearly impossible to complete.  It's a feeling that I have experienced before but usually only after recovering from surgery or during and after an extremely rough flare... neither of which are currently in play.

I started this week with what I thought was a plan and by day one, I realized that it was all just intentions... a big TO DO list.  As the days passed, the TO DO list weighed on my heart and mind, adding to my unrest, but I just couldn't physically take the "step" to make an action plan.

It all let to my earlier stated reminder... The best of intentions are just that, intentions!  This morning I went back to the "drawing board" to break it down and plan out the steps.  Sure, there are times in life where "Just Do It" applies, but when you are struggling, it's okay to sit down, take a moment, and plan the baby steps.  I needed to hear that today, and if you are struggling also, I hope you take it to heart as well!!!

Until Next Time...



Living with Intent in 2016

I've heard it so often lately, "2015 was a horrible year for me!"  I can't say that this was the case for our household as we saw so many blessings happen in our life but it definitely was a challenging year at times, to say the least.  Our year started out with my husband deciding that he wanted to go look at houses.  We'd discussed buying a house but never seriously.  I am a planner and I wasn't ready to plan for such a life changing event.  Not even 2 weeks into January though, I found myself riding along with my husband as we just "looked" at a house he had found listed online.  The next morning, without even doing any of the leg work, we made an offer.  By the end of the week, our offer had been accepted and exactly one month from the day we looked at it, it was ours.  I went from thinking we would never be in a place to be able to buy a house to God opening every door, including the door to our first real home as a married couple.  We spent the next month and a half commuting back and forth between our two houses that were almost 4 hours apart and me commuting 3-4.5 hours another direction for Remicade and iron infusions.  By the end of March, we were finally settled in our new home and the fun of home ownership began.

Some of you may not know, but we have horses.  We actually moved into this home with just our mare but as of this summer we now have 2.  We've added a 6 year old gelding to the mix and there was definitely an adjustment period for all.  He's like a 1000lb dog... fun, loving, and a major attention hog!!!  Our whole mentality about horses had to change and we spent (and are still spending) most of our time turning our property into the best possible place for them.  I thought life was expensive before but building fences, hay storage areas, stalls and the cost of feeding them during a year of drought was insane!!!  My perfectly planned budget completely went out the window!!!

Another thing that sent our budget out the window was that I decided in May to start my own business from home and Kindled Soul Designs was born.  I can honestly say that this has been one of the most challenging things that I have ever done.  It has completely taken me out of my comfort zone, taught me a lot about myself, has made me doubt my purpose more than a time or two, and has challenged me to decide what I want from life.  The hours are long, there are more unpaid hours worked than paid, and the balance between work and home life is nearly nonexistent. It definitely hasn't been what I expected it to be but I am crazy grateful for the journey and can't wait to see where 2016 takes it.

The other major challenge this year is still, surprise surprise, my heath. My health hasn't improved all that much this year either.  The move was great and getting out in the country has been good for me but stress is such a trigger in Crohn's.  There's actually a study out now that says that my stress might actually be triggered by my Crohn's and not the other way around... wouldn't that be "funny" if it pans out to be true.  I have started using essential oils and switching everything in my house to chemical free and it has been helping but we just can't find the root issue to get it into remission.  Also, after 3 years, my body decided to build antibodies to the Remicade and I had an allergic reaction after my last infusion.  We just recently started another medication that isn't usually used in Crohn's patients and are 3 weeks into the loading doses so we will see.  The hope isn't to be able to have this medication put me into remission but to have me tolerate it so we can stack it with another one.  To be honest,  I'm over it all again.  The side effects of this medication are by far the worst of any of the previous ones I have been on and could have a lasting effect on my future... but I guess when you're desperate, you'll do pretty much anything.  Okay, sorry to be a Debbie Downer... moving on.

It has been with these challenges this year that I decided on my focus for 2016.  (I don't think I have ever made a New Year's Resolution and probably won't ever but I completely encourage those of you who do.  There is nothing wrong with wanting to better yourself, even if you don't end up making it a "habit".)  My focus for 2016 is to live life with intent!!! The challenges are going to come and go, that's never going to change.  Some struggles are overcome but some never seem to go away, so there really isn't a point in letting them stop you from doing what you want to and should be doing. 

~ I want to be more intentional in my marriage.  I want to put it all away when the husband walks in my door and remind him daily how much I appreciate his role in our family.  He is gone for 12-16 hours a day and I want to focus on setting it all aside for few hours that I have with him a day. 

~ I want to be more intentional in my business, my focus, my follow through.  I want to build something that reflects who I am and I want to do it better than my mind tells me I can. 

~ I want to be intentional in my blogging.  I have a tendency to step away from things that I am not consistent with.  That's why I go long periods of time without blogging... if I know that I won't follow through with it, I don't make time for it.  My focus on what I have to say is going to change some in this next year so that I can really use it as a tool in my personal life and maybe as an outlet of my professional life.

~ I want to be intentional in the future I'm building, whether it be my health, our home, my journey.  The daily grind is not what I want.  Sure, daily tasks exist and I will continue to do them all, but I want to do them with intent.  I don't want to get to the end of the day and try and take a moment for myself.  I want to live in the moment.  Find the joy in all things... be grateful in all things... be prayerful in all things... be praising in all things.  I want to let those in around me and let go of those cause me hurt.  I want to take time for me intentionally.. not as a last resort and not at the end of the day when I'm too tired to hold my head up.  I want to live a purpose driven life.

~ Lastly, I want more intentional in my relationship with God and with other in my life.  I don't want the people that are in my life to just be apart of my life, I want them to be present in my life as much as possible.  I have a tendency to get caught up in my own little world and I don't want to... no matter how gorgeous it is here.  I want my home to be filled with as much laughter and love as possible this next year.  So (hint, hint) friends and family... get up here and share it with us.  My travelling days are getting more and more numbered and will continue to be as I transition all my health care to more local locations.

The husband and I are spending New Year's Eve at home tonight for the first time in the past 17-18 (can't remember which) NYEs that we've been spending them together.  It's a little different, but kind of perfect to ring it in with just my favorite person in the entire world.  Much love from us to you and I pray that you allow God to bless you abundantly in 2016!!!  Let me know what your plans for 2016 are.

Until Next Time...



When You Know It's Time to Speak Up

"If you think your little blog is going to help someone, then good for you."

Those are the words (in a sarcastic voice) that put a halt to my blog last fall.  They came from someone that I care about and also someone that I didn't think was even aware that I had a blog.  That one comment also brought a few things to my realization: one, that I was indeed being talked about behind my back (if my blogging was brought up); two, I had let myself care too much what another thought of me; and three, I needed to take some time to find my voice and direction again so that no one else's words would again be able to attach itself my soul.

Over this past year I have done a lot of de-cluttering in my life of anything that could bring me down or take away from my purposes in life.  I still have work to be done, I always will... it's part of being human (we're flawed).  Recently, I removed Facebook from my phone and iPad along with un-friending and un-following a few people.  I absolutely love seeing what my friends and family are up to, especially since I am still living three hours away, but I needed to get away from making checking it a thing I was doing out of habit (over and over again), getting my phone out of my hands, getting away from negativity, and feeling like I was giving more of my personal information away every time I was asked to update the app.  It's sad that we (I) use social media as a way to keep others "close" but especially for me, I cant stand to talk just to talk.  I know that may sound strange from someone with a blog but let me explain myself... When people talk to talk, it annoys me on a few levels: first, you can only talk so much before you start talking about others and eventually start gossiping; second, repetition, it's not fun to talk to someone when all you ever do is talk to the same person about the same thing over and over again; and third, I am more drawn to the story of something.  Don't just tell me that you work out every day, what you did today, what you got, what you want, that you are annoyed by this or that, that you hate life, that someone doesn't have to deal with what you have to, or your excuses; tell me why, what it does to you or how it makes you feel, how it makes you grow, how you want to overcome it or how it gives you hope or drives you.  I am interested in your story, your growth, your real struggle, your hopes, your goal, your purpose because those are the things that mean we are loving, growing, being compassionate, not comparing/judging, and LIVING!

In this journey of re-grounding myself to my purpose I recently came across this book Speak by Nish Weiseth. The front cover says it all, how your story can change the world.  I am SO excited to read it.  After only reading the Forward and Introduction, I knew I was finally ready to return to blogging.

Join me in this journey!  Let your story be heard!  Whether it be good or struggle, we can all grow, learn, change, find strength, and bond through each other's experiences.  Introduce yourself to me and tell me your story!!!

My Favorite Quote

Until Next Time...

I'm Truly a Work in Progress

I have been meaning to get back to blogging for a while now (obviously, considering my last post was 11 months ago).  My computer has many unpublished and unfinished drafts but nothing I felt was complete enough to hit the "publish" button.  It's been the story of my life.  It's amazing how life passes us by when we accept the cards life deals us instead of trying to make something out of them.  It took me way to long to say "no more."  Don't get me wrong, I'm human and that doesn't mean that I won't go wandering that direction again but I refuse to sit there.

Not much has changed, but again, I guess that is what happens when you become complacent.  There are days when I say "let's do this" and then the next day I feel fortunate enough to get out of bed.  It's a crazy way to live life but I am grateful to have each day be a new day!!!  It is all about taking life day by day anyway... right?!?!

So here's the plan (that I told myself I would start 3 months ago)... I will be blogging at least every Thursday.  I set myself up a weekly schedule and my blog is the only thing that I am ignoring.  I think that for now until I get into a routine that I am going to be letting you all into my personal life a little more so that I get myself on a schedule and not just wait until I have something Crohn's related to share.  As I have said before, my disease is a part of me, but NOT who I am!!!

So here are a few pictures to get started:

I turned 32 this year and celebrated it with the love of my life!

We very casually celebrated our 4th year of marriage and 15 years of being together!

We started home brewing (for the hubby of course)!

Got in a much needed Girls' Weekend with my old co-workers!

Spending every last minute I can with my cutie pie nephew Jonah!

Had these cuties up to our house for a week!

... and like the crazy Auntie I am, I took them all to the zoo!